Thursday, September 2, 2010

Thoughts on motherhood

It's been more than a year since I am a MOTHER.
There are moments when I think about the meaning of this word that sometimes loses its true values.
And there are other moments when I think about myself only as a WOMAN who has her own needs, and goals and desires (and no, not in a selfish way).
For me, and now I speak only for myself, for the type of personality I have, becoming a mother was a true challenge.
There were some instinctual feelings that just kicked in when I delivered my baby, BUT there were some other feelings and tasks that I NEEDED to learn and to follow.
Sometimes, I'm kind of annoyed when I read books or articles about motherhood just being such an idyllic state of mind.
How many times being sleep deprived or just in a lot of pain was I sad? How many did I have to stop in the middle of something that was important to ME in order to attend my baby? Yes, I had to learn that I'm 2 persons in 1. And, in the future, I will be 3 persons in 1.
As a very active and independent woman who will leave the house in the morning and come home in the evening after an amazing day at work, becoming a MOTHER (when maybe you don't change your clothes for days, no hair and make-up, no interaction on a mature level) can be a bit hard, especially in the beginning, when you think that that's all there is to it. The monotony of waking up every day and doing the same thing (feeding, changing diapers, feeding, changing diapers) can make you a little bit depressed. Where is the woman in me? What happened with my freedom?
There were so many times when I felt useless or without a feeling of accomplishment.
I'm sure that there are a lot of women out there thinking :"OMG, how can you say something like that? Being a mother is so wonderful." But, I'm also sure that there are these other women (who still love their little ones enormously) but who resonate with what I've just wrote.
Looking back though, after one year of MOTHERHOOD, after 365 days of watching and helping Bryce developing, growing, becoming an individual, there is a sense of Accomplishment that could not compare with any of the jobs I did so far. IT is so palpable and alive, it's just beyond words. For some reason, I Know for sure that, the more Bryce is growing, the more challenging my job would be and the more rewarding.
I also know for sure that, when they (Bryce and his siblings) will know how to fly by themselves, mommy will need to find her old self and making it alive again.

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I work on movies-I love movies

  • 21 grams
  • 4,3,2 - Mungiu
  • Age of innocence
  • American Beauty
  • An Education
  • Apocalypse now
  • Atonement
  • Blind Side
  • Burn after reading
  • Casino
  • Gone with the wind
  • Good fellas
  • Good Will Hunting
  • Hereafter
  • Inception
  • Julie & Julia
  • Kill Bill - vol 1
  • Kill Bill - vol 2
  • La Vita e bella
  • Mar al dentro
  • Midnight in Paris
  • Million Dollar baby
  • Mystic River
  • Nine
  • Orient, Occident
  • Panth's Labyrinth
  • Slumdog millionaire
  • Some like it hot
  • Sophie's choice
  • The bridge of Madison County
  • The departed
  • The English Patient
  • The Godfather
  • The Hours
  • The Talented Mr. Ripley
  • Train de Vie
  • Vicky, Cristina, Barcelona